FWP: Things Are Sloooowing Down

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fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

What a week!  Basketball (games) ended until the Olympics, a lot of interleague baseball, 91 holes of golf and I remember something about someone getting fired at 3:15 in the morning.  I actually had one of my better weeks from a prediction standpoint.  Tiger acually did win the US Open (no matter how hard I tried to jinx the bastard), the Mets gave up on the season (see: 3:15AM firing of manager), Chad Johnson’s ankle kept him off the football field, we haven’t heard another peep out of Tim Donaghy after his first little outburst and Billy Gillispie totally railed Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend (sorry about that Cris, oh, and that loss to Germany yesterday).  Basketball ending means the long summer of baseball has begun.  Interleague play gives this weekend a little bit of extra flavor (spicy!).  There’s also a NASCAR road course race, Kentucky football fans set themselves up for a big letdown and EURO 2008 continues (it’s going to be a loooong summer).

  • The Mets season will hinge on this weekend in Colorado.  I know, I just said they’d given up on the season, but if they can just put a little run together…  Oh, who am I kidding?  The team with the fourth highest payroll in baseball is going to finish at .500.
  • Phil Mickelson will be forced to carry the PGA for the rest of 2008.  And with the extra holiday weight he’s been carrying around for the last decade it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.  The PGA desperately needs Mickelson to be in contention for the remaining two majors of the year, as Tiger won’t be in them.  I would also like for more shots of Phil’s wife, Amy.  Amy is a classy babe and is absolutely cougar-ific.
  • The Cubs will begin their slow descent back to reality.  It was a nice run in the beginning of the season for the Cubs, it really was.  Then, Alfonso Soriano never learned how to actually get out of the way of a ball that was going to hit him (but somehow, he manages to do this with every fly ball hit to him in left field).  After that, Carlos Zambrano’s shoulder gave out on him.  Their only saving grace is that they play in the WORST DIVISION IN BASEBALL!  Every team in the NL Central got swept except for the Brewers.  Incredible.
  • There will be big news for the site unveiled on Monday.  First of all, EDay has promised to mediate the results of the bet between Brubaker and I.  I’m just trying to get a new car.  Also, I believe we’ll be adding a new writer to the APIAS staff.  Whatever happened to that 2ndStoryLloyd guy anyway?
  • Jeff Gordon will win the race in Sonoma.  It’s a road course.  One can only hope that means lots of wrecks and lots of drivers bitching at each other on the radio.  That is the best part of racing.  A road course also means the “Said-Heads” will be out in full force.  Boris Said is the Bob Ross lookalike who dominates on road courses.  Unfortunately for Boris, his wife probably doesn’t look like Jeff Gordon’s.  Why would Ingrid Vandebosch marry a douche like Jeff Gordon?
  • Morgan Newton will never sign with the University of Kentucky.  The LHL is reporting today that highly touted 2009 QB, Morgan Newton, is considering Kentucky for college.  Unfortunately for the Cats, South Carolina is also listed in his favorites.  Let me think, when was the last time Steve Spurrier lost anything to UK?  That’s right.  Never.  Keep dreaming.
  • Willie Randolph will continue to try and keep his name relevant.  Look, I understand you weren’t let go in the most polite way ever.  But, you probably got a pretty nice buyout and get the rest of the summer to do nothing.  And you want to bitch about it?  Stop… just stop.
  • EURO 2008 will continue and no one will care.  There’s nothing about this that appeals to Americans.  First of all, it’s soccer.  Second of all, with the name EURO in the title, it’s just that much more unwatchable.  Plus, no more Nereida Gallardo (SFW) means I have no interest.
  • Billy Gillispie will go see Get Smart and then sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, um, whoever it is that is lucky enough to be dating Anne Hathaway.  Get Smart has officially reached “I would definitely watch that while taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon” status.  Anne Hathaway has reached a much higher status for me that you probably don’t want to hear about.  But, we all know who will end up railing her, Coach Gillispie.  That guy has all the luck.

It’s summer, so even with a lacking sports schedule tap you should be able to enjoy yourself.  Grab a beer or twenty and go sit by a pool.  I know I will.

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2 Responses to “FWP: Things Are Sloooowing Down”

  1. BobWicket Says:

    What is this big news you speak of?

  2. BobWicket Says:

    Is this a…is this a Monday?

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