Whew! What the Hell happened? The wheels completely fell off the breakfast wagon on the road trip! First the A’s get swept in Cleveland (where the park is apparently not the Jake anymore) and the romp continued with them losing both the front and rear end of the series with Atlanta. The savior was Rich Harden’s golden (but oft injured) arm and the bats getting hot for a couple of innings.
Thank goodness we’re back to the friendly confines of McAfee tomorrow. Three straight home series start and end with the best of the East (Rays and Bosox) with the neighbors from the North flying in to see how much damage Frank can do to them. He’ll probably be very pissed, and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry (no Marvel Studios doesn’t sponsor APIAS.net).
How will the A’s fair? Well they’re 25 percent better on the homefront than on the road this year. It’s a small statistical sample, but we’re 3 & 7 in our last 10 people, we’re grabbin’ at straws. What can the A’s do to get things back on track? Here’s a simple list:
- Clone Rich Harden. Seriously, make about 20-25 of him because we can rotate 5 of them through the starting rotation, 10 of them on-and-off the DL, and reserve the other 5-10 to AAA ball for quick callups when we’ve got too many of them on the DL.
- Play every game against teams with bird mascots. Oakland is 3-0 against the Blue Jays and 3-0 against the Orioles this year. If we could have played the Cardinals again in interleague play we would probably be 3-0 against them too. If we played in the AL East we’d have won 30 games already because we would have gotten at least 15 games against Toronto and Baltimore in by now.
- Beat Indiana Jones on the 22nd. I can’t stress how important this is to the A’s young players. Wait, I actually completely made that up. Over 1/2 of the A’s 40 man roster was born after Raider of the Lost Ark debuted in theaters. But hey, maybe they’re fired up for the new one?
- See bullet point #1 but apply to Mike Sweeney. The guy’s OPS is over .800, he’s hitting over .300, and he’s only struck out in 3% of hit plate appearances (3 of 100)! How crazy is the strikeout number? Jack Cust is the only other A with an OPS over .800 and he strikes out in 35% of his at bats. Thus piss on Jack Cust because it would be very boring baseball to watch 9 guys who only put the ball in play 52% of the time play a full game. Not to mention it’d take 15 hours to complete a game. Wait, that may not be bad because I could watch the end of the game before work in the mornings.
And there you have it Billy. 4 simple rules for winning an AL West crown. If you’re so smart about your baseball management approach, embrace science and get us some damned clones! Until then folks, enjoy the games, enjoy some brews, and if you know how we can get the Rangers, Mariners, and Angels renamed to the Condors, Finches, and Parrots, e-mail me pronto.