FWP: Hey Baby! Go to bed!!

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Yes, things are getting a slow start for FWP.  Drinking has not gotten a slow start.  TGC, BobWicket and myself are already about three beers deep and the 5 o’clock hour has just struck.  That’s the beginning of a good weekend, folks.  Last weekend actually didn’t go so bad; the Jazz made it a series with the Lakers, the Mets handled the Reds and Billy G railed your girlfriend (he said sorry afterwards).  Oh, and ask me if Amanda won Survivor.  “OKAY,” The Lord says (as if he doesn’t know), “DID AMANDA WIN SURVIVOR?”  Hell if I know.  Sorry.  I just wanted to put that picture up of her.  Also, thanks go to our friend Burnsy (I have no clue which site to link for him anymore), who apparently met Amanda and didn’t invite me to come along.  Hey, this weekend is going to be sweet.  Basketball, baseball, NASCAR, Preakness and drinking… what could ever go wrong??

• It would be unconsitutional if Big Brown wins the Preakness.  Seriously, Rick Dutrow likes himself as a trainer more than Ted Nugent likes himself as a guitarist.  Neither are very good.  I’m going ahead and picking Hey Byrn for the upset at about 32-1.  Who’s with me?  (echo, echo, crickets chirping)
• Boston will, once again, lose on the road tonight.  That’s not exactly a “prediction.”  Nor is it “fearless.”  It’s just going to happen, you know, because they can’t win on the road?  It’s actually becoming quite a joke.  I can’t wait for the Pistons to play the Spurs again in the NBA Finals.  Hooray defense!
• Dale Jr. will win the All-Star Showdown this weekend.  I mean, hell, he hasn’t won anything else in years.  He may as well try and win something in which points have no meaning.  Also, I really wanted to jinx him because he used to date Marisa Miller.  For one, Marisa and I used to date.  Secondly, who breaks up with Marisa Miller?  Oh, we had irreconcilable differences, but Dale Jr. should have been able to figure that out.
• The Spurs and Hornets will jerk off until Monday.  Um, so they played Thursday night and they don’t play again until Monday?  And there’s no game on Saturday night?  Thank you for common sense, once again.
• The Mets will stop bitching at one another and beat the Yankees.  Seriously, Billy Wagner?  Funniest part of his little diatribe last night was that he had his Bluetooth in his ear while he was just going off.  You can’t say the “F-word” with a Bluetooth in your ear unless you’re a nerd.  Whoops.
• Bizarro baseball will totally throw off TGC and EDay.  A’s play at 7pm tonight and the Tigs play at 10pm.  I fully expect a full moon, a Sasquatch sighting, alien abductions and a 2SL sock-trick.  You’ve never lived until you’ve seen the sock-trick.
• Billy Gillispie will convince you to make a ‘voyage’ and then sleep with your girlfriend.  See, that was a Pilgrim joke.  Get it, Pilgrim Voyage?  Per usual, our friends at KSR were on point with a possible transfer from Hampton to the Cats.  Beware, Michael Pilgrim, beware.  Also, if you have recently broken up with your girlfriend, Tony Romo, I wouldn’t let you-know-who get to close either.

Good gosh, what a fabulous weekend.  Get excited, get in front of a TV and get drunk.  PEACE I’M OUTTA HERE!