FWP: Talk Derby to Me, Baby

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fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

This is, without question, one of the most fabulous weekends of the year.  The city of Louisville has come to an absolute standstill, and the rest of the state is soon to follow.  150,000 people will cram in the infield and Millionaire’s Row at Churchill Downs to watch “The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports.”  No matter the fact that it lasts just a little longer than two minutes (insert obligatory 2SL with random whore joke), but it is a fabulous event.  There’s obviously more going on this weekend: baseball all the time, NASCAR racing at night and the first round of the NBA Playoffs finally concludes… we hope.

Big Brown will win the Kentucky Derby.  No matter what, he’s the true champion.  He’s a mortal lock to win the Derby.  Have you read FWP since I started writing it about a month ago?  I am damn-near perfect on everything I’ve ever picked.  Bet your savings account on Big Brown!  (This is in no way meant to be a jinx on Big Brown, nope, not at all…)

Carl Edwards will win in Richmond on Saturday night.  Do the Hot Carl jokes ever get old?  I think not!  Not only that, but Edwards is a humongous tool.  Somehow, he has been linked to Amanda Beard who is hot.  Everyone knows we just use this space to jinx drivers we hate and put up pictures of hot females.  Done and done.

Cleveland, Boston and Utah will all close their series out tonight.  LeBron has been mocked, talked down to and taken more than a few cheap shots since the Cavs/Wiz series started.  He is going to put on an absolute show tonight, I’d go ahead and tune in.  Boston heard a lot about how old they looked after losing two games in Atlanta. They responded by drubbing the Hawks on Wednesday, expect more of the same in front of all the Hawk “fans” this evening.  Utah will obviously win… they’re playing against the Rockets who, last time I checked, still have Tracy McGrady playing for them.

The Mets will get the best of “The Best Team in Baseball.”  This is the funniest thing about baseball, we’re barely a month into the season and the ESPN crew is talking like it’s mid-September.  Micah Owings’ bid to become the greatest hitting pitcher since Babe Ruth will hit a snag when Jose, Carlos (x2) and D. Wright get to him.  Santana also wins Sunday afternoon.

Billy Gillispie AND Bruce Pearl will sleep with your girlfriend.  Our friends over at KSR let us know that Pearl’s divorce was finalized!  Billy Gillispie immediately invited Bruce to be his guest up at the Derby this weekend.  If you plan on being in the Louisville area for Derby festivities, hide your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, Tom Brady!  These men are old, horny and have no morals!  Oh, what do you know, another hot girl…

This is going to be an out-of-control weekend.  For some reason, EDay chose to jet away to the beach for this fantastic weekend and we feel he’ll never forgive himself.  Derby Day is the only day where 30,000 people show up at Keeneland when there is no live racing.  However, TGC, 2SL, myself and many others will be there drinking beer… lots of beer.

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7 Responses to “FWP: Talk Derby to Me, Baby”

  1. BobWicket Says:

    You boys just drink all the beer you want. Just keep on drinking. I hear alcohol enhances weight loss.

  2. Evan Hilbert Says:

    Pyro, baby. Pyro.

  3. smoothron Says:

    I typically try to drink Light beer…

  4. BobWicket Says:

    You should have as many as you can.

  5. eDayStat Says:

    Smoothron, I have a solution for your alcohol ingestion vs. weight loss dilemma. Bacardi and Diet, it gets the job done! 0 calories baby!

    Oh and I will also be drinking beer, margaritas on Cinco, and several dozen rum runners. Cheers homies! Also, expect a call to place a bet for me.

  6. cNicStat Says:

    You suck. The beach will be more fun than you could ever dream of (in bed).

  7. TGC Says:

    At least you didn’t throw a $40 winner on the ground to get promptly swept away

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