FWP: Ah-Tear Mah-Joke!

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fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hmm, not exactly doing so well in the last two weeks.  Of course, it’s not all bad.  I feel like it’s not a guarantee I’m going to be giving my car to Brubaker over our Tiger bet (We put our cars up against each other, he said Tiger would win at least two majors this year, I took the under).  Santana got beat by the Brewers, but the Mets might have gotten things rolling after a three-game sweep of the Nats.  Visionaire lost the Stakes, but I did get to make out with my friend who told me it was guaranteed (yes, she is a female… the friend… not the horse).  Supposedly Billy G didn’t even talk to anyone in Stillwater, yet they still managed to get a guy that I have taken shots with at Redmon’s in Travis Ford.  Luckily, they’ve got a ton of practice in handling coaches who enjoy boozin’ it up.  Stakes Day was awesome, this weekend can only hope to compare.  On with it…

  • The NBA Playoffs will start and actually matter.  I watch the NBA as much as I can, but I understand why a lot of people don’t.  The offense is often anemic while four guys stand around and watch one player in isolation; and the defense, well, haha, there is none.  However, this season has been unbelievable and there are some very intriguing first-round matchups.  I’m especially excited about Phoenix going up against San Antonio, and seeing an upset there.  Actually, I have the Suns in the Finals.  Sorry, Mr. D’Antoni for that kiss of death.
  • Johan Santana will beat Cole Hamels tonight.  I’m sure this is just another jinx for the best pitcher in the NL, but I’m putting it out there anyway.  Three key games against the Phillies this weekend could determine an early favorite for the NL East, especially since we all know that the Marlins will soon go from first to last. 
  • The NHL Playoffs will continue and not matter at all.  Seriously, SportsCenter started last night with hockey.  I was in total shock, seeing as the WWL doesn’t even carry hockey games any more.  Sidenote, Barry Melrose is officially locked in the top five people you DO NOT want to see up-close in HD.  My list looks like this: 1. Holly Rowe 2. Verne Lundquist 3a. Billy Packer 3b. Phil Martelli 4. Barry Melrose.  The person you most want to see up-close in HD, Erin Andrews.  And yes, that was just a great excuse to put up a picture of her in all her sexiness and beauty. 
  • UK will land two recruits this weekend during the Derby Classic in Louisville.  This is like a less-talented version of the McDonald’s game, used to show off Kentucky and U. Louisville recruits to the Bluegrass State.  The Wildcats still have (at least) two scholarships available and should be able to get a few commitments.  The ones I feel would most succeed in Lex would be Ater Majok (pronunciation above) and Paul McCoy.  If you go to the game, please make them feel welcome. 
  • The Tigers will continue their winning ways.  My good friend and unabashed Tigers fan, TGC, bought a new Detroit hat this week.  Sure, to most that’s no big deal.  Well, the Tigs are 3-1 since the new purchase.  In the words of Michael Scott, “TGC isn’t superstitious, he’s just a little stitious.”
  • Billy Gillispie will most definitely sleep with your girlfriend, especially if you live in the Louisville area.  I’ve got relatives up in the ‘Ville and have definite concerns if they decide to take their significant others out on the town with them this weekend.  If Derrick Jasper ends up transferring, let’s start asking around to see if he and coach ever happened to… you know, happen upon the same female.  I know if my coach ever slept with my girlfriend, it might make me a little “homesick” too.
  • Someone will get hurt during the Blue-White scrimmage tomorrow.  It’s just a fact.  It happens every year.  We’ll all just pray it’s not Dicky Lyons Jr. for EDay’s sake.
  • WL will bring home a trophy on Sunday night.  You read it right.  The four of us, Bob Wicket and five other local drunks play a little hoops every Sunday night.  This weekend is the champeenship and while there may not be a trophy involved, there will hopefully be some “LEAGUE CHAMPS” t-shirts.  2SL has already delcared himself KBA Winter B League Tournament MOP.  And, they don’t just give those out to anyone.
  • How could this weekend not be awesome?  It’s the last weekend of live racing at Keeneland.  Baseball games going all the time.  The Mets in primetime on Sunday night.  UK getting recruits.  And beer.  Lots and lots of beer.
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8 Responses to “FWP: Ah-Tear Mah-Joke!”

  1. Bingo Wings Says:

    I can hook Billy G up in the ‘ville. The town is full of whores, not many of them like me though so that could be a problem.

  2. TGC Says:

    Let’s just hope they didn’t “happen upon” some poor girl at the same time

  3. BobWicket Says:

    These whores you speak of, will a normal size row boat support one? Without capsizing?

  4. BobWicket Says:

    It bothers me that you are not answering the question.

  5. smoothron Says:

    No.

  6. smoothron Says:

    “Me and Drama crossed swords last night.”–Turtle

  7. the constant gardener Says:

    Ill be in Louisville!! Look me up!

  8. BobWicket Says:

    I KNEW IT!

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