FWP: Bill Self-Implosion

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fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy. 

Well, it was a long night last night for the UT Boys.  I couldn’t even bear to watch it with my forlorn friends on TGC’s new sweet plasma TEE-VEE.  My wager on the Cards was going to be in definite conflict with the yelling and screaming of the Vol fans in the living room.  However, I think I almost managed to get kicked out of the bar where I watched.  Good times had by all.  Enough looking back, though, it’s time to move forward.  The sports calendar is changing, whether we’re ready or not.  College basketball will be over in a week, baseball actually starts, and the Masters is next weekend.  How could you possibly get through this weekend without actually knowing what is going to happen?  I’m not sure, and that’s why we’re here for you.

  • selfimplosion.jpgThere is no way in Hell all #1 seeds are going to the Final Four.  Memphis will most likely get beat tonight, and if not they’ll get beat in Houston against Texas on Sunday.  Someone told me Houston has the most graduates from UT of any city in the country.  That probably means good things for the Longhorns.  Also, Bill Self must not know what to do with himself after making it out of the second round.  Bo Ryan will embarrass him on Sunday and further push him down the coaching ladder.
  • Two #1 seeds will go to the Final Four.  UNC and UCLA are almost destined to meet each other in the National Championship Game.  Of course, that will lead everyone in the media to refer to them as the two most prestigious schools in all of college basketball.  I will then want to jump off a cliff (see above picture, minus bikini).  Everyone knows that UK and UCLA are 1A and 1B in that prestige. 
  • Bob Knight will look at Dick Vitale with total disdain.  A lot of people are against Knight on ESPN.  I, for one, love it.  Knight shows up when he wants, and pretty much does and says what he wants when he’s there.  The dude wore a pink Polo sweater last night, and picked Pitt to be in the final game.  He doesn’t care, and is just picking teams at random at this point.  He will look good in orange next year, which leads me to…
  • Bruce Pearl will take a very expensive plane from Knoxville to Bloomington.  It’s no secret that Pearl made quite a few friends when he was coaching at University of Southern Indiana.  He is one of the hottest coaching names in the country, if not at the top of most lists.  There is a huge vacancy looming at a top-tier school with three National Championships, and possibly one of the best guards in the country returning.  Whether he takes the job or not, an interview is in his future.
  • Briny Baird will win the Zurich Classic of New Orleans Classic.  Just so you know, this is in New Orleans, and not Zurich.  Also, he is only going to win because he’s winning right now, and because I think the name Briny is really funny.
  • Dale Jr. will win the NASCAR race at Martinsville.  I was drunk last night, and heard someone say that.  Sounds good to me.
  • Destiney will get kicked off Rock of Love 2.  I mean, I don’t watch that show.  What are you talking about?  But, if I did, she’d be getting kicked off because she’s ugly, and doesn’t know how to spell her own first name.  Like I said, though, I definitely don’t watch that show, or The Hills.
  • The Braves and Nationals will actually kick off baseball.  Let’s be honest, the real baseball season won’t start until TGC, 2SL, and I are sitting at the Winch (Wech?) at 1PM on Monday.  But, two also-rans will be on Sunday night so the diehards can get their fix. 
  • uhoh.jpgBilly Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  Let’s be honest, it happens every weekend.  There’s no reason for this weekend to be any different.  He was watching Darius Miller (UK commitment) play in the State semi-finals last weekend about 11AM.  One of the guys I coach with asked me if I thought Gillispie or I were more hungover.  It was a toss-up to say the least.
  • The APIAS.net staff will drink beer.  A lot of beer.  We love beer.
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4 Responses to “FWP: Bill Self-Implosion”

  1. Hoop Junkie Says:

    You wrote:

    There is no way in Hell all #1 seeds are going to the Final Four. Memphis will most likely get beat tonight, and if not they’ll get beat in Houston against Texas on Sunday. Someone told me Houston has the most graduates from UT of any city in the country. That probably means good things for the Longhorns. Also, Bill Self must not know what to do with himself after making it out of the second round. Bo Ryan will embarrass him on Sunday and further push him down the coaching ladder.
    Two #1 seeds will go to the Final Four. UNC and UCLA are almost destined to meet each other in the National Championship Game. Of course, that will lead everyone in the media to refer to them as the two most prestigious schools in all of college basketball. I will then want to jump off a cliff (see above picture, minus bikini). Everyone knows that UK and UCLA are 1A and 1B in that prestige.

    You were wrong on all counts! Way to go!

  2. smoothron Says:

    Your timeliness is impressive.

  3. How to Get Six Pack Fast Says:

    This topic is quite hot on the Internet at the moment. What do you pay the most attention to when choosing what to write ?

  4. How Wrong! Says:

    I can’t believe how wrong this whole thing is.

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