FWP: Nick Calathes Likes Men


fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy. 

Ok, so here’s take two on this one.  APIAS.net good friend, Boldt, came over for some afternoon bullshit (you know, because we don’t have jobs) and closed the window I had written the original of FWP.  So, all that literary masterpiece will never be seen again.  And, because it’s almost nightfall, I don’t have time enough to think about all that again and try to write it down.  Because it’s almost time to drink beer.  We love beer.  As much as I’d love to give you a better intro, I think that’s all I’ve got.  On to the prognostications…

  • UK will beat Florida.  Damn right.  Ramel Bradley and Joe Crawford have only beaten the Gators once in their careers.  It’s Senior Day in Rupp Arena.  Oh yeah, and that whole NCAA Tournament thing is still up in the air.  The Cats will ride senior leadership to a big W.  Update!!!  UT alum and Keeneland-cornhole (the game!)-friend Brandon sent the picture below.  I’m so glad this is part of my life.  For those who don’t know, these are Florida’s three freshman guards.  From left to right: Chandler Parsons, Gator skank, Jai Lucas, Gator skank, and Nick Calathes.  This will surely get the scent off the gay trail.

  • UNC will win in Durham by double-digits.  Let’s be honest, this is not a very good Duke team.  They beat Carolina last time with their third-string PG playing in lieu of Ty Lawson.  I saw Lawson play a couple times when he was at Oak Hill, and I think he’s the fastest person I’ve ever seen on a basketball court.  Greg Paulus will get embarrassed and people will laugh.
  • Seth Davis, Jay Bilas, Digger Phelps and countless others will refer to the UK/UF game as a “play-in game.”  This is starting to annoy the shit out of me.  It’s not a play-in game.  Both teams have legitimate shots at making the tournament.  This phenomenon almost annoys me as much as Burnsy was annoyed by this.
  • Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  I have come to love watching UK games at my parent’s house, and it’s not just because of the free food.  My dad thinks jokes about BCG doinking players’ girlfriends is hilarious.  Every time Billy Clyde is chewing someone out in a huddle, I make the obligatory, “If you don’t fucking block out, I’m going to fuck your girlfriend tonight!!!” joke.  My dad thinks it’s funny. 
  • The four contributors to APIAS.net will drink their body weight in beer.  As stated before, we love beer.
  • The media will still talk about Brett Favre.  Did you hear about this?  Brett Favre retired!  Jerome Bettis is from Detroit!  AJ Hawk is married to Brady Quinn’s sister!  WOW!’
  • One of my friends will get kicked out of Rupp Arena.  Florida always seems to bring out the best/worst out of the Big Blue Nation.  UK Athletic Director, Mitch Barnhart, once had to write a letter to apologize to the Florida Athletic Department because students chanted, “Walsh is gay!” every time Matt Walsh touched the ball.  Something tells me Nick Calathes will not be received well in Rupp.
  • Finally, TGC will remember a drunken Saturday back in ’05 when we rewound the clip below about 75 times to make sure we saw it correctly.

23 Responses to “FWP: Nick Calathes Likes Men”

  1. eDayStat Says:

    If my calculations are correct, I only weigh as much as approximately 192 beers (without glass or can containers). Thus, I’d guess about 60-70 beers in the containers. I will achieve that by sun-up Saturday.

  2. BF Jackson Says:

    If you squint, Jai Lucas looks like Cheech Marin.

  3. sweasyf Says:

    I like you guys better all the time. More beer!

  4. Bingo Wings Says:

    I think gator skank #1(the one on the left) is going to get double teamed like shaq in his prime by parsons and lucas. Then calathes will take the fat girl to dairy queen and talk about the last episode of desperate housewives

  5. Reporter? « Get Blitzed Says:

    […] First line about Joe, Ramel, and Florida is untrue. However, sweet picture of Nick Calathes, Jai Lucas, and Chandler Parsons post-facials. (APIAS) […]

  6. BobWicket Says:

    2005 ky 69 (everybody wins) fla 66

  7. smoothron Says:

    Fuck. I’m stupid. I was at that game.

  8. Evan Hilbert Says:

    hahahaa…seriously? Don’t beat yourself up; we all make mistakes. That’s hilarious. That was the Rondo/Roberson bout. That’s the only reason I remembered. Joe and Ramel played a very small role in that game, so I can understand the mistake.

    Good work on the site, all the way around. I plan to link you often…if you would stop screwing up, of course.

  9. RBottoms Says:

    I’m so happy for you guys.

  10. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:


  11. smoothron Says:

    Wow, I can’t believe RBottoms was on our site at 3:42 in the morning.

  12. Brewsky Says:

    I like the little lines in the side of Florida’s b’ball players. I think I will copy the style.

  13. eDayStat Says:

    And I believe we shall have to keep you in front of us when we hang out.

  14. cNicStat Says:

    First of all, who ever said the side-step hairdo ever WENT OUT of style? Fellas, I think it’s time to man up and bring this to the KBA for tourny time.

    Also, I’m not a Florida fan at all, but I just want to say that those uniforms today were ballin’. Who’s with me?

  15. BobWicket Says:

    Who the hell is RBottoms?

  16. Carl Monday Says:

    You jackin’ it Lucas?!?!

  17. Sherley Panama Says:

    Thank you for the entertaining read! Alright playtime is over and back to school work.

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