Well everyone knows it’s tax time and the gang here at APIAS are starting to check pay stubs, W2’s, lottery tickets, and winners from Keeneland. We thought we’d placate all you folks out in Blogsborough by letting you in on some of the things we’ll be writing off this year. Also, it should be noted that we consulted our man A. Bowski and all of these things are completely legal write-offs.* Follow the more to see what each of the crew will be trying to slip past Big Brother this year.
TheGoldfishCowboy: So the TGC has many things he’s writing off this year. To start, he is writing off Tony Stewart’s personal barber fees. That man has had a lot of work to do this year. Oh yeah, and his personal trainer as well.
On the baseball front, he will be writing off Spanish lessons for Jimmy Leyland. He’ll need it to talk to Guillen, Ordonez, Rodriguez, Rodney, and the other 17 Spanish-speaking players they have. He also wrote off the cleaning fees on the giant tigers in front of Comerica.
Oh yeah, can’t forget TGC’s sweet plasma TeeVee purchases over the last year. Wait, maybe that income wasn’t reported. Please ignore the last two sentences.
2ndStoryLloyd: 2SL will still be writing off about 30% of Soriano’s salary. He’s also taken deductions for every surgery Kerry Wood has had in the past 3 seasons.
He’s also asking for some consideration for the money he lent Bruce for the orange jacket and Ricky P. for that white zoot suit. No word on if he helped Peyton dress himself for the Pro Bowl.
SmoothRon: Topping SmoothRon’s list this year is the down payment on Les Miles Rich Rodriguez’s signing bonus. Not sure if he’ll get any kick back from the salary though.
Add to this the fact that he is claiming all of his gambling losses for the year and SR will be paying $0.00 to the United States Government this year. His refund check should be on the order of $20,000.
eDayStat: Yours truly will be claiming quite a few things. Much as 2SL is keeping men in suits, the write-offs start off with Mike Nolan’s sweet Reebok suits. Seriously, that is one good looking man prowling the sidelines.
We can’t forget about back-to-back Music City Bowl trophies. Seriously, that cost me a pretty penny having that Jared Lorenzen, life-size trophy made that I promised this year’s team. Sure enough, they repeat and I’m out $20k for a giant football man sitting on a 20 ton block of oak.
Other than that, things were pretty tame this year. Wait, what? We traded who? Holy crap. Okay, looks like I won’t be writing off Dan Haren’s contract this year. What? You’ve gotta be kidding me. Okay, I’ll also be be leaving off Swish’s salary on the ol’ returns this year too. In fact, I think I’ll only be claiming about $3,973 in paid A’s salary this year. That will cut the return check a bit.
And that will about do it. We don’t have a lot of hidden fees around this here blog (thanks to the beauty of WordPress) so we’re not writing off a lot as a group. Oh, other than our bar tabs. We can write those off as business meetings right Bowski?
*NOTE: None of these things are legal write-offs. Except that Lorenzen trophy, and it is actually sitting in the lobby of APIAS national headquarters. Or maybe that’s just a 24″ softball trophy? NATIONAL CHAMPS!
APIAS 
February 11, 2008 at 2:57 pm |
I think some of the Keeneland return will have to go to the Mets to offset some of Johan’s contract.
February 11, 2008 at 3:04 pm |
I always thought topping Smooth’s list would be writing off his enormous philanthropy to the local pizza businesses
February 11, 2008 at 7:46 pm |
And the resulting plumbing bills can be written off as well.