An Open Letter to Terrelle Pryor

by

Terrelle,

tp.jpgHey, buddy (can I call you that?), I really hope things are going well for you.  I know you’re in the middle of basketball season, and I’m sure you’re dominating that competition much like you did the Pennsylvania football teams you owned this past fall.  People are absolutely all over you about where you’re going to college, and I don’t want to be that guy.  I just want to tell you all the positives about going to Michigan.  I’m sure you’ve heard some before, but there are a few you really need to know.  This is going to be one of the five biggest decisions you ever make in your life, somewhere between, “Who will I marry?” and “Should I wear a rubber tonight or not?” 

It’s no secret you would be the odds-on favorite to start from Day 1 in Ann Arbor.  Is that the case if you happen to decide to go to Ohio State?  Who knows?  But, do you really want to be battling a guy who just took his team to a national championship?  You definitely don’t want to sit for a year, or be a spot-situation QB behind Boeckman in Columbus.  Even if you become the starter, do you want Todd Boeckman in your ear?  The first time you screw up, the Buckeye faithful will be clamming for the guy who just led them to their second straight National Championship game.  Come to Ann Arbor, you and Rich Rodriguez can start off a new era at UM.  You will be the guy who rejuvenates the program, and leads it back to elite status.  You can also be the star recruit of an already top-10 class, it’s not like you’re going to be coming in to a team that’s lacking in talent.  This is Michigan, even their down years they bring in ten-plus 4-star recruits.  The team didn’t play well this year, and they still played and won on New Year’s Day.  You’ll get to wear the baddest-ass uniform in all of college sports.  You will be The Man at the University of Michigan, the team that has won more college football games than any other team, ever. 

Listen, you don’t know me.  But, I am pretty damn persuasive.  Last spring, at Keeneland, I told Alex Legion he should go to UK, and he listened.  He would have enjoyed his four years in Lexington, but his mom is crazy.  But, I do know my shit.  You would really, really enjoy your three (I am realistic about things…) years at UM.  So just make everyone happy and pick UM on Signing Day.  Thanks.

Sincerely,

Smoothron

 umgirl.jpg

PS — Do you know how many white girls there are at UM?

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7 Responses to “An Open Letter to Terrelle Pryor”

  1. Burnsy Says:

    Excuse me, Mr. Pryor, can I interest you in some information about Central… yes, the door is that way, isn’t it?

  2. eDayStat Says:

    The University of Kentucky has an excellent tradition in basketball Mr. Pryor. If you were interested in the football team as well, we could probably make room for you.

  3. The W Says:

    Not to mention, UK also has lots o’ white girls.

  4. smoothron Says:

    Sorry, my Wildcat friends, I believe it’s down to UM, OSU, and possibly Orgeon. If it can’t be UK, wouldn’t your second choice be UM? Please?

  5. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    You’ll get to wear the baddest-ass uniform in all of college sports.

    I disagree. My top 5 (homer-excluded)

    1. Texas whites football
    2. Long Beach baseball
    3. UCLA home football
    4. Michigan football
    5. Syracuse home basketball

  6. smoothron Says:

    How dare you not mention the UK denim-blue from ’96? Undeniably, the most intimidating jersey ever put together.

  7. eDayStat Says:

    Nothing says “Kentucky” like an outfit of all denim. No, really…

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