TWIRS: The IWFL, These Chicks Have Got BALLS!


iwflball_qvga.jpgSo I’m lying in bed at about 12:30 the other night reading “Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong” and I get a text.  Ladies, get your mind off imagining me lying in your bed, there’s more to this post than that.  What could possibly have happened at 12:30 on a weeknight? 

You see, as I’m getting older it’s not usually my boys or girls giving me a shout about an all-you-can-drink.  It’s usually someone’s car died, my brother’s having a baby, etc.  But this, my friends, was classic.  Thanks to the great BobWicket, I get a message tipping me off to the IWFL.  Yes, friends, it is true.  There is actually a women’s official football league.  This Week In Random Sports, we make some in depth analysis of “The Leauge”, as the ladies call it, and a run-down of all the IWFL ladies, just after the more.

So just what is the IWFL?  Well, let’s consult the Ladies’ site to see more about this interesting competitive organization.

The IWFL was founded in 2000 by a group of women dedicated to making the sport a household name. The IWFL currently has over 1000 women playing the sport for 30 teams across North America from Southern California to Montreal and Oregon to Florida with consistent expansion into to new markets.  

Let’s see, founded 7 years ago (nearly eight) in order to make “the sport” a household name.  Were they trying to make football a household name?  If so, then ladies you are definately behind the times.  If they intended to make “women’s football” a household name, then their intents were much more noble.  Despite this noble effort, they have failed miserably, will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on their souls.

Seriously though, I had never heard of the IWFL until Senor Wicket’s text.  I would assume most sports fans, even diehard football fans, are in the same boat.  This could be due to the existence of only 30 teams, in select markets, throughout North America.  It could also be due to the fact that women’s football could only suck a tiny bit less than women’s basketball.  The only reason it may be better is there could be some hot wrestling action at the bottom of the fumble scrums. 

So the question every sports fan has to ask themself is: “Can the IWFL really be worth watching?”  For the answer to that we have to look at the individual talent of the players involved.  After all, isn’t that why we watch the NFL and the XFL crumbled?

sallymaple.jpgThis young lady is Sally Maple of the Palm Beach Punishers (Punish her, I barely know her!)  Sorry, too easy.  Anyway, Sally here is the placekicker for the PBP’s and also plays a little DB for them.  Overall, she’s an attractive gal.  Kind of a poor-man’s Lucy Draper if you ask me.

Annnnnnnd, yep.  That’ll do it folks.  After a thorough search of every team’s roster on that site that is the only remotely cute girl in the IWFL.  I’ll admit that I only perused the team’s with a team logo image, but if they don’t even have a damned logo they don’t have team pictures.

So what else does women’s football have to offer?  Great team names.  We’ve already covered the PBP’s, but check the list of names over at the IWFL site: 

  • The D.C. Divas.  Whoa!  Strike fear into the hearts of your opponents by singing them a little soul music and being catty!
  • The Atlanta Xplosion.  Really?  Really?  In a league full of nothing but women, you put something blatantly sexual in the name as “Xplosion”.  Why not XXXplosion?  Or KnuckleChildrenBirth?izzythewhazit.jpg
  • Southern Maine Rebels.  Nothing says Old South like Southern Maine.  Woo wee!  Back during Reconstruction they secretly funneled thousands of Africans from Portland to Bangor.
  • And now we have BobWicket’s favorite:  New Team 3.  It would be the absolute shit if they stuck with this name.  Put the team in St. Louis and call it the St. Louis New Team 3.  Let the mascot be that effed up Izzy thing from the Atlanta Olympics.

With all that said, I think we can agree that the IWFL has a lot very little to offer in the way of entertainment.  This is just an outsider’s perspective though.  If this 2008 season really kicks off in April in full fury the APIAS crew may just have to travel up to Columbus to watch the Phantoms play.  What’s the worst that could happen?  We end up trying to take down the goal posts and get mauled by a 6’1, 280lb. offensive linewomen? 

Big thanks to BobWicket on the tip and to Izzy.  You crazy man…You crazy.

10 Responses to “TWIRS: The IWFL, These Chicks Have Got BALLS!”

  1. Brewsky Says:

    Good god man!

    By the way, I ALWAYS have something very important to say when I text you.

  2. smoothron Says:

    I’d take Kathy Ireland over that girl.

  3. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    So would the 2000 Colorado Football team… you know… at the same time

  4. Burnsy Says:

    Finally, a league for Big 10 alumni.

  5. smoothron Says:

    I wouldn’t even want to know where UCF alums have to play then.

  6. Burnsy Says:

    The NFL. There are still three in the playoffs.

  7. Brewsky Says:

    This sounds like a splendid idea!

  8. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:


    F – Lucy
    M – Sally
    K – Izzy

  9. Sally Maple Says:

    Wow. I have no response here.

  10. Mark Says:

    You’re a fucking idiot… why don’t you go one quarter with these ladies and then write your fucking article! I’d love to see them kick the shit out of you…

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