The man to your left is Anderson Varejao. That Sideshow Bob hair, that lost look in the eyes, and being a flat-out honky* allow A.V. to captain our All NBA Eastern Conference GOOOO! team.
What exactly does it take to get on the All NECG team? Well, smarmy good looks, a hundred dollar hair cut, and the ability to function like a normal human being in social settings won’t qualify you. Hit the more to find out who makes the cut and who’s too…well, normal.
Scot Pollard: First off, the man can’t even spell his name correctly. He’s not, to our knowledge, from Scotland. Thus, use two t’s in your first name jackass. Second, is that a fucking faux hawk? Pollard has already had fifteen thousand different versions of sideburns over the years. Now this retarded thing? Does anyone else just want Pollard to get a damned U.S. Marine high-and-tight and be done with it?
Mike Dunleavy: Big, tall, white, deformed looking, and from Duke. The prosecution rests.
Etan Thomas: We’ve gone for a bit of a White Out up to this point, now we go for a little bit of diversity. Thomas qualifies well for this role. Where to start with E.T? The nasty ass dreads? Check. Being a big-ass mountain of a man? Check. Looking like the guy we saw down in 
Tijuana three weeks ago that was actually scaring the hookers on Revolution? Check. Wait, wait, wait. Is that a chin-strap beard working its way into that goatee? It is! It’s perfectly suitable at times for an African America man in U.S. society to do this. It’s also perfectly fine if you’re a mooch off your Hollywood friends and nicknamed ‘Turtle.’ Add it all up though and it’s just too much Etan.
So there you have it. Stay tuned for our second installment where we take a run-down of the Western Conference talent goobers. Until then, may all of your NBA team’s players look like Sasha Mitchell circa Step-By-Step.
*Editor’s note. Varejao may or may not be a honky. He is most definately Hispanic, but c’mon, he looks as white as anybody living in Minnesota.
APIAS 
October 31, 2007 at 10:06 am |
Sadly, we may not even see Anderson play for an Eastern Conference team this year… perhaps his twin playing for the Bulls can step in.
October 31, 2007 at 10:27 am |
If Greg Oden isn’t All-GOOOO! then I don’t know who is.
October 31, 2007 at 12:11 pm |
Pollard is a true non-conformist, though. Notice – not one goddamn panther tattoo. If enough other guys start having strange hair, Scot will start wearing his shoes backward or something (which wouldn’t hurt his game at all, by the way).
October 31, 2007 at 12:13 pm |
Jesus – I thought that was Rik Smits… I had no idea it was Dunleavy until you said so.
October 31, 2007 at 12:30 pm |
When it comes to Scot Pollard… a man who wears fingernail polish during an NBA game, well, um… his name is probably Scot Pollard.
October 31, 2007 at 1:38 pm |
Man, the Magic’s players even suck at sucking. Sad Burnsy.
October 31, 2007 at 2:46 pm |
You need a trade to get Bo Outlaw back on the roster.
November 1, 2007 at 12:15 am |
Greeeeeeg will get his time in the sunshine. Don’t you worry TGC. And Bo Outlaw was a fucking poser. He ripped his entire look, game, and life from Ho Grant. Aks anybodies.