What exactly does it take to get on the All NECG team? Well, smarmy good looks, a hundred dollar hair cut, and the ability to function like a normal human being in social settings won’t qualify you. Hit the more to find out who makes the cut and who’s too…well, normal.
Scot Pollard: First off, the man can’t even spell his name correctly. He’s not, to our knowledge, from Scotland. Thus, use two t’s in your first name jackass. Second, is that a fucking faux hawk? Pollard has already had fifteen thousand different versions of sideburns over the years. Now this retarded thing? Does anyone else just want Pollard to get a damned U.S. Marine high-and-tight and be done with it?
Mike Dunleavy: Big, tall, white, deformed looking, and from Duke. The prosecution rests.
Etan Thomas: We’ve gone for a bit of a White Out up to this point, now we go for a little bit of diversity. Thomas qualifies well for this role. Where to start with E.T? The nasty ass dreads? Check. Being a big-ass mountain of a man? Check. Looking like the guy we saw down in Tijuana three weeks ago that was actually scaring the hookers on Revolution? Check. Wait, wait, wait. Is that a chin-strap beard working its way into that goatee? It is! It’s perfectly suitable at times for an African America man in U.S. society to do this. It’s also perfectly fine if you’re a mooch off your Hollywood friends and nicknamed ‘Turtle.’ Add it all up though and it’s just too much Etan.
So there you have it. Stay tuned for our second installment where we take a run-down of the Western Conference
talent goobers. Until then, may all of your NBA team’s players look like Sasha Mitchell circa Step-By-Step.
*Editor’s note. Varejao may or may not be a honky. He is most definately Hispanic, but c’mon, he looks as white as anybody living in Minnesota.