Gut-Check Saturday

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Here’s our attempt at a “live-blog” on a football Saturday. TGC and Eday are cutting up some rug down at Mucklewain, so 2SL and I will be your captains. Lay back, find yourself a cool drink… and enjoy the ride (that’s what she said).

SR (1:55pm) — Here we sit about 2pm on a Saturday afternoon. Michigan is cruising against Northwestern and looks to go to 5-0. The Mets have had the East clinched for over a week now, and look ready to make a nice postseason run. OH SHIT!! That’s how things were supposed to happen. Alas, Michigan is 2-2 and is losing at the half to a bad Northwestern team that got embarassed by Ohio State last weekend. Oh, and the Mets and their “7-game-lead-15-days-ago-thing,” well, they’re up 4-0 against the Marlins, but Philly controls their own destiny and with a win and a Mets’ loss will win the division. Here’s to a great fall!

2SL (4:22) I love regional coverage football. Instead of Oregon/Cal we here in Kentucky get Wisconsin/Michigan State. Awesome. I would much rather watch two run-first, defensive Big 10 football games then the ESPN Gameday game of the week. I love regional coverage football.

SR (4:40) — Well, Michigan has won. The Mets won. How about a big day today for the Nationals? That would be great. On a completely unrelated note, I may be the worst gambler of all-time. Penn State got beat by Illinois, Air Force got beat by Navy, and Oklahoma is only up 14 against Colorado. Here’s a new thought on my Gambler’s Paradise column: I’ll pick games, you pick the opposite and will probably make a lot of money. Glad we could set that up. Again, let’s seriously cheer on the Nationals. Also, go Ducks. Please win by at least seven.

SR (4:54) — Two quick things. Oklahoma is punting to Colorado right now, and it’s a tie game. Also, we just talked to Florida State fan “Coach,” and he dropped this quote on us. “Be glad Chuck Amato works out. Can you imagine those man-breasts if he didn’t? They’d be down by his nuts.” You just won’t get pre-game coverage like that on any other sites.

2SL (5:03) Colorado upsets Oklahoma on a last second field goal. Dan Hawkins is 2-0 vs. Oklahoma in the last 9 months. Well, there goes one of my big 4 teams. It looks more and more like a one loss team will be playing for a national championship. That gives the LSU/Florida SEC Championship game winner a chance to play for the National Championship if they happen to have one loss.

2SL (5:32) Great week for Tennessee football so far. We didn’t get beat because it’s our off week and we didn’t have a player arrested last night.

2SL (5:50) Vulva

SR (5:58) — Bob Griese just informed us that Wisconsin’s kick returner has had some trouble “fumbling balls.” Sounds like a personal problem to me.

SR (6:17) — A white guy just returned a punt for a TD for Kansas State against Texas. My, things have really changed.

SR (6:23) — Cal is beating Oregon by 7. I could seriously be the worst gambler ever, and I may not be able to pay rent next month.

2SL (6:53) Yes, you could be the worst gambler ever. But I believe in you.

SR (6:58) — Nick Saban is being interviewed during the first few plays of the second half. One of these times I would love for something to go really wrong during one of these interviews. Then, hopefully the coach would respond with a, “Gosh-fucking-dammit we can’t do a fucking thing right all day!” Tracy Wolfson/Erin Andrews might be just a little flustered.

2SL(7:01) I would fluster Tracy Wolfson and Erin Andrews at the same time.

SR (7:11) — Gambler’s Paradise? Ha, more like Gambler’s Purgatory. I suck. I picked one game out of four correctly. Even a monkey has a better chance of doing that. That’s it, for this week’s Gambler’s Paradise I’m asking a monkey what team he picks. But, hell, I probably won’t even be able to pick the right monkey.

SR (7:41) — I know TGC wanted us to stay anonymous (you know, because we’re so famous and all), but I had to let you know. That is 2SL on our Live Blog photo at the top of the column. Sexy, right?

SR (7:54) — Mets and Phillies tied after 161 baseball games. Somehow, some way… the NL East is going to be decided by the Nationals and the Marlins. Who would have thought that?

2SL(7:57) I was still carrying a little holiday weight in that photo.

SR (8:06) — “Mr. Two-Bits” was just on the screen on ESPN leading his namesake-cheer. His tie was navy and auburn stripes. Did someone fail to tell him that they were actually playing Auburn tonight? What a dumb old bastard. Also, Holly Rowe is so scary in high-def.

SR (8:12) — As Billy Donovan introduced the Florida offense, our buddy JThom, “Doesn’t he coach the Magic?”

SR (8:28) — Florida is down 7-0. No matter what you think, I DID NOT bet Florida to cover.

2SL (8:30) So far the 8:00 game has given us Holly Rowe in high def. Billy Donovan and a bunch of big ugly athletes. Where are all the hot Florida undergrads I hear so much about?

2SL (8:33) Vulva

SR (8:40) — While watching the games tonight, our good friend Soulja Boy said, “SUPERSOAK THAT HO!”

2SL (8:41) It’s only 8:41 and Smoothron is already trying to do the Solja Boy dance…..wow, wow.

2SL (8:44) If you feed Holly Rowe after midnight she turns into a gremlin.

2SL (9:02) Boobies.

SR (9:13) On second thought, I did put Florida (-17.5) in my “If this hits I’ll quit my job 12 team parlay.” I apologize Florida fans. I’ll absolutely post this next week so all of you can quit your jobs. Oh, sorry, Auburn is winning AT Florida 14-0.

SR (9:41) Hmm… let’s look at the weekend thus far; #’s 3, 5, 7, 10, 11, and 13 have all lost this weekend. UK fan is drinking a lot of Blue Juice and thinking they are definitely in the top 10. If USC and Florida both lost this weekend, would this go down as the most upsets ever in college football? I’d love for someone smarter than me, or someone with WAY more time than I to find a week with more high-ranked teams going down.

2SL (9:51) I remember a weekend when some people I know (that are not high ranked) all went down in the same weekend. It’s a requirement to be a member of the MDA on facebook. I’m sure the ladies appreciated their effort.

SR (10:01) It’s actually called the UMEA. Wow, 2SL really “muffed” that one.

2SL (10:02) Speaking of “muffed” ones….How about that night I did it on your bed while you were gone, SR? Muff that.

SR (10:14) Sorry it took so long to respond, but I had to take a nice, young co-ed up to 2SL’s bed to repay him for that. Thought we just threw out: If UK beats SC on Saturday, after next week they will be one of 2 (TWO!) undefeated SEC teams. The only other undefeated SEC teams right now are Florida and LSU. Florida is losing right now, also, those two teams play each other next weekend.

2SL (10:18) By the way, Smoothron, I wouldn’t wear that orange and white polo of yours….I couldn’t find anything else to use in your room that night. And yeah, Kentucky may be in the top 10.

2SL (10:22) And with that fake punt…I got my wish…hot U of Florida girls, most in white dresses. I love college football. Dibs on third girl from the left. (If you didn’t rewind and pause, you are not a man.)

SR (10:23) I, as the President of the UMEA took the girl on far-left. Yummy.

2SL (10:25) I, as the President of Woops-Sorry took the girl third from the left.

SR (11:28) Auburn’s kicker just won the game for the Tigers. The bigger upset is that the ESPN crew just claimed that Urban Meyer copied off of Bret Bielema of Wisconsin calling the timeout right before a FG try. Apparently, Bret Bielema just did something that no one else had ever done before. Somewhere, Mike Shanahan is calling a timeout to Mike Patrick’s dumbass-ness.

SR (11:36) — Kirk Herbstreit just moved Oregon up to #5 in his Top 5 in the country. This is after he picked Penn State to win the Big Ten, a conference he used to play in. Hmm, if Herbstreit was a gambler, maybe… just maybe he would be as bad as I am.

SR (12:07AM!) — Okay, so the day is over… I guess.  There is still so much more weekend left.  The Mets can win or tie the division tomorrow.  2SL passed out like an hour ago… and I’m about to go to a “World Famous” Tavern that should only be ventured to after an SNL hosted by Ludacris.  PEACE I’M OUTTA HERE!

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