Gambler’s Paradise Returns


money.jpgAs a gambler, there are highs and lows.  There are balls and strikes.  There are wins and losses.  Well, the last time I posted this column, there were lows, strikes, and losses.  Bad, bad, bad losses.  I may or may not have gambled away a figure close to the Gross National Product of Myanmar.  If you want to see the debacle, click here.  I mean, wow.  It started badly with Nebraska’s complete mis-handling of the game at Wake.  Afterwards, Bill Callahan hinted towards the fact they had the game in control the whole time, but didn’t want to give anything away to USC.  How’d that work out for you, Callie?  Speaking of crapping the bed, how about Michigan against Oregon?  Dennis Dixon for Heisman anyone?  The Ol’ Ball Coach was getting way too much respect going between the Hedges, right?  Hell no, he bent Richt over every way he wanted.  I actually ended up going 3-2 on the weekend, I just didn’t happen to bet the two wins very hard.  But, as a good friend once said,  “AAHHH… Back in the game!”

Gambling advice for purely entertainment purposes at your own risk after the jump. 

Penn State (-3) @ Illinois:  So, I get a mad Penn State team that just lost its chance to win the Big Ten to a imnotverygood.jpg(supposedly) bad Michigan team against a Ron Zook-coached team?  Deal.  Yes, I know Morelli is still there, but Penn State is bound to win this football game, and they will win by more than a FG.  Dan Connor will be drinking the “Juice” on Saturday, and that’s not a good thing for the Illini.  Are they still the Illini?  Penn State 34 Illinois 20

Air Force (+3) @ Navy:  Ahh, who doesn’t love a matchup of the armed forces?  Pundits may say people who enjoy good football, but that has never mattered to those who enjoy wagering on a game.  Alas, I digress.  Think back to last week… Navy is a two-touchdown favorite against Duke.  Tasty line!  Duke is terrible.  Then, all of a sudden, you look up and Navy is LOSING IN THE FOURTH QUARTER TO DUKE.  There is no way this team is to be trusted, especially against Air Force’s funky offense.  AFU goes in and wins outright.  Air Force 31 Navy 17

Oklahoma (-23) @ Colorado:  One thing I’ve learned from my years of gaming is that sometimes you ride a train until it stops.  Oklahoma has played four games this year, and covered pretty easily in all four.  They’re actually 8-1 against the spread in their last nine games, and Jared Zabransky will tell you against whom they didn’t cover, if you forgot.   Keep in mind they’re playing at Nepotism University, and surely Cody Hawkins will throw at least four INTs.  Sooners roll in Boulder.  Oklahoma 54 Colorado 10


California @ Oregon (-6):  Dennis Dixon for Heisman.  Seriously, who is doing anything more for their team at this point to help them win (sorry, EDay)?  I say no one.  Combine his skill with Oregon’s good secondary, that is just good enough to contain DeSean Jackson; and I think we have a winner in Eugene.  The Ducks are also 4-0 against the spread this year, and you can mark it down that they’ll score at least 40.  There will be a LOT of points put on the board, but Daffy, Donald, Darkwing and the boys take it home.  Oregon 48 California 38

Louisville (-9) @ NC State:  Louisville fans have fallen quicker than Tara Reid’s panties when she used to host Wild On on E!  Before the Kentucky game, they were talking National Championship, Brohm for Heisman, and the Big East Championship was just an afterthought.  Now, National Championship is out the window, Brohm’s Heisman chances are slim, and they no longer control their own destiny in the Big East.  Let’s hope Coach Kragthorpe is renting up in the ‘Ville.  Just in case he’s not, he might want to beat the hell out of the Wolfpack this weekend to save any hope of keeping his job.  Scoring isn’t the problem for the Cards, and the ‘Pack hasn’t gone over 23 all year.  Take Louisville in a “Rally ’round your family*,” type game.  Louisville 45 NC State 17

Okay, so… that wasn’t so bad.  It’s like getting back on your bike for the first time after a big wreck.  It’s a little scary, but once you start going, it just gets easier with time.  As always, we don’t condone gambling, we highly encourage it (for entertainment purposes only, of course).  Also, as always, lines provided by Bodog.

*Yeah, Rage Against the Machine, I said it!

9 Responses to “Gambler’s Paradise Returns”

  1. eDayStat Says:

    When in doubt, bet the farm on Notre Dame! Aw, damnit…I was really partial to that John Deere.

  2. smoothron Says:

    EDay, just go play for that coach from “Blue Chips,” I heard he will hook you up with a new tractor… anything you want.

  3. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    I’m still holding out for a Cal-Florida national Championship, 11-2, and Sugar Bowl win.

  4. smoothron Says:

    Apparently there is no shortage of Orange Juice.

    Actually, who am I kidding? I’m still holding out hope for 10-2, Big Ten Champs and Rose Bowl…

  5. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    since when did we do the gamblers paradise for entertainment purposes only?

  6. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Dear Smoothron,

    Thanks, asshole.


    (1-4 SU?)

  7. matt Says:

    HAHAHA i love the CU prediction….you truly know your football. Boomer what? OH yeah can’t hear you? GO BUFFS!

  8. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Only a year and a half? I think you could’ve held out longer.

  9. hotel dish Says:

    hotel dish…

    […]Gambler’s Paradise Returns « APIAS[…]…

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