Vijay Singh is a Fuck Lion


Interesting little tidbit about Vijay Singh for you sports fans out there.  His name means Vicotrious Lion.  Add to this that Vijay is a world-class fuck-tard.  What does all that sum up to?  Singh is the most famous Fuck Lion of them all.

More about eDay’s bizarre perverse absolutely normal and safe hatred for Vijay Singh after the jump.

The exact date and time are not important.  Which PGA tour event spawned this unholy disgust is far in the past.  All that is known is that at some point in life young eDay began hating Vijay Singh with every fiber of his being.

Something about this mysterious gentleman asshole from Fiji always grates on the nerves.  He continually strives to stay out of the spotlight, but plays one of the top sports covered by American media.  What could drive him to do so?  One could claim the competition, but seriously, when you’re a golfer your only competition is yourself.

Sure, he can claim that he hangs with the game because he can chase Tiger and I’m sure it brings him great satisfaction to beat him.  What Vijay really wants us to think is that he enjoys being alone.  He’s the damned Kurt Cobain of the PGA.  Always drudging around and avoiding the media.  You know he secretly enjoys that shit though.

But we’ve gotten way off base here.  Most of that stuff isn’t reason enough to hate Vijay.  So on to reasons why Vijay Singh sucks at life:

  • He’s clearly sexist.  It doesn’t matter how many times he apologizes for the Annika Sörenstam comments, he was still flat wrong.  Vijay was oringinally quoted as saying she shouldn’t be on the course with men (“doesn’t belong”) but later stated he meant she was taking away a spot from a man who could have won his way into the tournament.  Alright Veej, let’s get one thing straight.  There were about 15 men who played worse than her in that tournament and a good guess is that without all the media hype she would have finished better than another 30-40.  Back off the women-folk and take a step into at least the 20th century.
  • His always gloomy expression.  Listen Vijay and listen up good.  You freakin’ play golf for a living!  Your life is not so bad man.  Yet every day you hit the course with “determination” on your face.  Bullshit.  It’s a damned scowl because for some reason you always think everyone is out to get you.  You’re from a freakin’ island nation.  People from island nations are supposed to be overweight and jovial all the time.  Except the chicks, they’re supposed to be skinny, hot and wanting to lei you all the time.  You’ve not been out of the top 5 in total money earned on the Tour since 1997.  You’ve won nearly $50 million since then, but you can’t crack a smile?  Jeez, take some uppers, drink a Fiji bitter, and chill the fuck out man.
  • When he curses, it make baby seals club themselves.  The beautiful YouTube linked to the front of this is a shining example of this.  Somehow, when Tiger curses it seems like a character trait.  Not that this article intends to suck-off Tiger (like every other article about him ever), but there’s just something about the way Vijay carries himself and that dark, grating voice makes him sound like the dude hanging out down by the liqour store with a forty that bums a cigarette and spare change from you every time you try to pick up a bottle of Mad-Dog bourbon.  You know the guy.  Somehow it just seems vulgar and dirty when Singh curses.  Not light and airy like when mommaStat drops the F-bomb on Thanksgiving.  Hmm, maybe should have let that one drop a sentence back.

In all seriousness, it’s hard not to watch Vijay play on the old TV without yelling NOONAN! every time he takes a stroke.  It’s even been years since MTV was stomachable because they have VJs and that’s too close to Vijay.  If there is one man in the world that deserves to live until he is 110, it is Vijay Singh.  Why, you ask?  Because he couldn’t possibly be able to play golf after say 80 or 90.  Those last 20 years or so he might finally realize that life isn’t just about being on the golf course 20 hours a day to get away from the wife and anything else this world has to offer.  Seriously, if Vijay Singh would just smile, shake a fan’s hand, or kiss a baby, we would officially put up a permanent picture of him on the site in homage. 

6 Responses to “Vijay Singh is a Fuck Lion”

  1. W Says:

    The sad thing is, he’s not kidding. Eday really hates Vijay Singh this much.

  2. BobWicket Says:

    Yeah, Stinkface is the worst.

  3. PowerT Says:

    sorry Eday

    he smiled once

  4. eDayStat Says:

    I knew that would happen, we’ll take care of it.

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  6. wotever Says:

    you dont have a bloody clue, you have never met him personally so how do you think you know him?

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