This will come as a relief to you Billy Joe, Bobbie Sue, and yes, even you Claude. You heard the Evil Witch wouldn’t relent. Wouldn’t release the only thing that means something to you. You hated her more than life itself.
Then the news. Apparently, Robert Yates Racing wants to give up the #38 car for Dale Jr. next year. No word on if Hendrick will take it or piss all 75% of NASCAR’s fans, but we’re betting that he’ll take it. For the top 5 reasons Dale Jr. fans aren’t slitting their wrists, check the more.
- He’s not insulting Daddy. That’s right, Dale will have something dropped into his lap that he couldn’t have imagined. He just can’t drive that #3 right now. Not with the ghost still hangin’ over his shoulder. He’d have to win at least 2 point championships (which will never happen) to be able to do that. This way, he honors Sr. by having part of his number.
- He won’t be driving for M&M’s. It’s a damned good thing sponsors don’t travel with numbers because we can’t see Dale going from beer to melted milk chocolates.
- He’ll be the most popular 30-something. No, not age. Dale will be competing against Jeff Burton and possibly Jeremy Mayfield. No contest. Then again, Dale is the most popular driver in the circuit, so he really isn’t challenged anywhere for that. But he would get the chance to make that #38 a legacy that’s not soon forgotten.
- He’ll be witty. That’s right, switching from 8 to 38 after his Daddy was 3 is pure genious in NASCAR. People will talk about it for generations. “Hey, you remember when Dale did that real smart thing?” “Yeah, it was great, he just added Senior’s number and his” Good Lord, unfortunately, this conversation will probably occur somewhere in Mississippi in the next 5 years.
- He’ll save about 3 million fine women and outstanding gentlemen from having laser surgery. Fox Sports says “which the driver has expressed an interest in keeping so his fans would be able to just draw a number in front of or behind the 8.” What they really mean is that all the
crazy fuckersDale Jr. fans with #8 tattoos will not have to have that shit removed in a very painful manner. They’ll just throw another number on there, or change their respective 3 or 8 tattoos to a big Earnhardt family tribute. Pure gold Jerry. Pure gold.
So if you were worried about old Jr.’s number situation next year, never fear. Rumors are going around that he’ll be doing the font for the 38 next year. If that thing doesn’t come out as a big 8 equals D somehow, we will be sorely dissapointed. Go ahead, type it out on your keyboard, we know you want to.