Today, Tim Donaghy pleaded guilty to two felony charges in federal court. His referee-gambling scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone, except for the fact that he openly admitted to having wagered on games he was officiating. He will be sentenced in November and could face up to twenty-five years in jail, and must pay an inordinate amount of fines and restitution to the government.
In other not-so-breaking news, Michael Vick is expected to enter a “guilty” plea at some point this week, as well. His dog-fighting/killing/drowning escapades aren’t any secret to the public at this point, either. Supposedly, his plea agreement will come with a prison sentence of less than a year. Vick, who was obviously not expecting all of his co-defendants to plead out, is weighing his options at this point. Let us remember, the Falcons’ QB is charged with running a dog-fighting ring, torturing animals, and gambling (!!) on the dog-fights. And he’s wondering if he should take this deal? Perhaps, he needs a call from Tim Donaghy.
The dream phone call that would make Bob Ley cream his pants is after the jump.
Donaghy: This Vick?
Vick: Yo! (barking in background) Um… This ain’t the commish is it?
Donaghy: Commish? No, this isn’t David Stern, it’s Tim Donaghy, maybe you’ve heard about me? We’ve been battling for the top spot on SportsCenter for about the past month or so. I’m the betting referee.
Vick: Yeah man, what’s up player? Thanks for doing that, you know? They’ve been killin’ me on TV, lately. If you and Barry hadn’t taken some of that heat off of me, I don’t know what I would have done.
Donaghy: Um, excuse me? Thanks, I guess. Anyways, I wanted to call you about this plea deal you’re thinking about taking.
Vick: Word! I been wanting to talk to someone about this that knows what’s going on. These lawyers don’t what they’re talking about. Plus, can you believe my boys punked out like little bitches like that?
Donaghy:Michael, look, I don’t really know about your lawyers, or your boys punking out, but you have to take this deal. You’re going to get less than a year in prison. Plus, you’re famous, they’ll isolate you from the other prisoners… and even if they don’t, you’re a professional athlete, you’ll be the strongest guy there, no one will touch you.
Vick: Hmm, I never really thought about it like that, I guess. Plus, this football shit just gets so boring, I really could use a break.
Donaghy: Yeah, I’m sure, real tough. But, seriously, you’re getting less than a year. Did you hear what I could get? TWENTY FIVE YEARS! Just for making a few bets on a few games that probably would have ended the same whether I called fouls from ninety feet out or not. Did I electrocute dogs like you? Did I starve dogs and make them run on treadmills for hours? Did I ever even make a bet on two ANIMALS fighting each other? Well, okay, maybe yes on the last one, this line isn’t recorded is it? Anyways, think of what you have done, and what you’re getting away with for less than a year in prison!
Vick: Shit! You think that’s all we were doing to them dogs? We were cha…
Donaghy:Mike! I don’t need or want to know what you were doing. Listen, I’m going to the pokey for a long, LONG time. And, I’m neither famous, nor big, so you know what that means for me. Just take the damn plea agreement, okay?
Vick: Yeah man, thanks for the call. I gotta run though, Marcus just lost 15 G’s on a dog-fight, I mean, NBA game.