Marlins, It is now time to GET OFF THEIR LAWN!

by

The Rockies Aaron Cook threw 7 2/3 last night of great baseball pitching and the bullpen helped him close the deal on a 5-hitter in South Florida. Why is this a story? Because, as you may know, SoFla residents (see: Latinos and Geezers) aren’t very interested in baseball.

wherewouldyouliketosit.jpg

The attendance at the contest was estimated at less than 3000.

After the jump is a list of other activities groups of 3K SoFla residents were probably doing during the game.

  • Bingo
  • Plan, assemble, and perform a successful escape from Shady Acres (between naps of course)
  • Suddenly break into a Salsa dance party covering one city block
  • Smuggle stuff
  • Take up both lanes of I-95 from Vero to Pompano at 43 mph
  • Pick thongs on Miami Beach
  • Buy Wicker
  • Become confused
  • Yell at the TV in the Common Room

Am I saying the days of good baseball are over in South Florida? Yes, yes I am. Miami (Gardens) is not a baseball town.dancerevolution.jpg Never was. Hell, they play in Dolphin Stadium!

In 2005 when relocation was discussed, there was a long list of supportive mayors, fans, states and cities that wanted the franchise. To name a few:

  • Las Vegas
  • Portland
  • Charlotte
  • Orlando
  • Monterrey, Mexico
  • New Jersey
  • Norfolk, Virginia
  • San Antonio

I can see 2 or 3 realistic success stories in this list. But that’s not the point. It’s time to give Miami (Gardens) back to whom it belongs. The blue-haired ladies and the Club scene.

Is having fewer than 3000 fans at an MLB game enough reason to relocate the team?

Bingo.

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8 Responses to “Marlins, It is now time to GET OFF THEIR LAWN!”

  1. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    I, too, enjoy blue haired salsa dancing at 43mph on the interstate

  2. JD Says:

    Palm trees, cocaine and fake boobs.

    Nothing beats Miami.

  3. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    B.

    27.

    B27

  4. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    I’m confused.

  5. burnsy Says:

    Just bring them to Orlando already. Burnsy will show MLB all the appreciation it needs.

  6. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    just don’t fuck it up and build a dome like the MIT grads in Tampa

  7. eDayStat Says:

    Seriously, why wouldn’t you build a dome when you have some of the nation’s nicest weather year-round. Wait…

  8. SAN DIEGO Says:

    I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE TO THAT COMMENT, EDAY!

    LOVE,
    SAN DIEGO, CA–HOME OF THE NATION’S GREATEST YEAR-ROUND WEATHER

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