Athletics to Buy Stock in Wood and Straw

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asclubhousemanager.jpgOne would think that Oakland was the broom capital of the world.  After the most recent sweep at the hands of the Minnesota Twins, the A’s are in an official free-fall.  They are 2 and 8 in their last 10 games, have only won 5 games of their last 21, and it has been since July 2nd since the team scored more than 3 runs in a ball game (a 7-11 loss vs Toronto).

But we here at APIAS.net have a solution for the A’s.  It doesn’t involve a blockbuster deal for a big bat.  Nor do we think the A’s need to have a fire-sale (not that they have any high-price talent) and start bringing up more  of their minor  league stars.  They simply need to convince major league baseball to let them play only 2-game series for the rest of the season.  For more on this theory, jump along with us.

Simply put, the A’s suck in extended game series.  They are an abysmal 8 for 24 in 4-game series.  A significant improvement occurs when they play 3-game series as the team wins at a 0.517 clip in normal series.  But where the old ball club shines is in the 2-game sets.  Granted, it is  a small sample set, but Oakland is 5 and 3 in short sets, a winning percentage that would put them in the league lead.

lookingbefuddledasusual.jpgSo this is what the A’s need to do.  The next time Selig is in Oakland…wait, that will never happen.  Let’s say the next time Oakland is in New York and Selig is there, Beane needs to talk old Bud into heading out to the bar.  He sits him down and feeds him gin all night (seriously, with this face, how could he be anything but a gin drinker).  When Bud can’t hardly walk, Beane has to get him to sign a statement saying the A’s can play only 2-game sets next year.

Now this scenario may not seem very likely, but I think it’s just as likely as the only other plan that could win it for Oakland.  That plan includes:

  • Trade Piazza for an outfielder or first baseman who can actually hit with power consistently.
  • Fire Clarence Cockrell effective immediately.  We thought of writing an entire article on this subject, but the bottom line is that A’s have already used the DL 17 times this year.  Someone is responsible for the lack of conditioning habits among the younger players (and older as well) and that man is Cockrell.
  • Find Pat Morita and have him do that magic rub-his-hands-together thing to Rich Harden’s shoulder.  I mean Harden is seriously starting to worry us.  He is about 1 more DL trip away from winning the Kerry Wood Sorry About Your Luck Award.

So in the end, the A’s sit 12 games out of the AL West lead.  Not an insurmountable lead, but the way the Angels have been playing even SmoothRon wouldn’t take action on the A’s stretch run.  It really is too bad because this team had  a lot of potential going into the year.  Unfortunately, even the best ERA in the AL doesn’t mean anything when you’re averaging fewer runs per game than the Royals.

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4 Responses to “Athletics to Buy Stock in Wood and Straw”

  1. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    i prefer brooms with plastic handles

  2. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    for what?

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