College Fight Reveals Life Long Questions About Shotguns and Dairy Queens



Missouri basketball player Kalen Grimes was arrested this weekend for “striking a man in the face with the butt of a shotgun.”  Here’s how the event unfolded…

The incident happened early Saturday and began when Grimes’ cousin, Ryan Fisher, and another man got into an argument over a woman at a Jack in the Box restaurant, Karabas said. The skirmish spilled over onto a Dairy Queen parking lot nearby.

Upside Down Blizzards…Amazing

Fisher called Grimes to inform him of the upcoming fight.  Grimes and his shotgun drove to the restaurant.  Upon arrival Grimes used the butt of his shotgun to give the opponent a cut to the forehead.  Meanwhile…

Grimes’ brother, Michael, was struck in the head with a lug wrench. Police said no one was seriously hurt.

Grimes left the scene but was arrested minutes later by local police.  Missouri Coach Mike Anderson has suspended the player indefinetly.  I understand this story is pretty common place in college sports today but I think there are some serious questions within this incident that must be addressed:

  • How do two restaurants make a profit within such a close proximity to each other?
  • Shotgun vs.  Lug wrench.  Is that really a fair fight?
  • Did Barry Bonds use steroids?
  • Was the woman a cashier at Jack in the Box or the Blizzard girl at Dairy Queen?
  • Doesn’t Grimes know he has to shoot someone with the shotgun to make front page news?
  • If a man gets hit with a lug wrench and he isn’t a college athlete, does anyone care?
  • What booster bought the car Grimes showed up in?
  • Is the sirloin burger at the Jack in the Box worth fighting for?
  • Is the designated hitter bad for baseball?
  • How do the Dairy Queen people hold the blizzard upside down without the ice cream falling out?

No one is expected to have all the answers to such tough questions.  Perhaps one day we will find the answers to such questions.  Then as a society we can eliminate shotgun butts to the head and make the Dairy Queen parking lot safe for the entire family again.

46 Responses to “College Fight Reveals Life Long Questions About Shotguns and Dairy Queens”

  1. eDayStat Says:

    How does a shotgun butt to the head and a lug wrench to the face end up as “no one seriously injured?”

  2. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    apparently they were all jacked up on Dairy Queen “cakes” and “the shizznit”

  3. smoothron Says:

    blizzards are good.

  4. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    i’ll give $1000 to the first person to find a clean DQ

  5. wwi_flying_ace_17 Says:

    As a Kansas Jayhawk fan, I find this incredibly funny (especially with how stupid one of our players was a few seasons ago). At least he didn’t fire the gun. Don’t mess with a man’s Dilly Bar!

  6. I_accept_pay_pal Says:

    re: clean dairy queen. Berkley, MI on 12 Mile.
    I accept certified checks and money orders but prefer CA$H

  7. officedoodles Says:

    Blizzards are really good! hmmmmmm

  8. asdfasdf Says:

    That DQ is actually clean. I grew up in that area, and have eaten at both of those restaurants.

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  10. abarclay12 Says:

    I love that no one was injured. I plan on carrying my shotgun out tonight, and the first guy who gets fresh with me will feel the butt of that weapon right in his cranium. I’m sure he won’t be injured so there’ll be no hard feelings, just lessons learned. Thanks for reporting on this story.

  11. smoothron Says:

    abarclay scares me… a lot.

  12. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    do not provoke abarclay…

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  14. A Woman Says:

    God sport but does it have to be so much fights? greetings sofia

  15. southernfriedfatty Says:

    To answer the last question:
    Everyone knows the laws of science do not apply to Dairy Queen.
    -There is no gravity,
    -Calories consumed while in DQ do not count.
    -Germs found in their bathrooms are harmless.
    -Injuries sustained while in the DQ parking lot are always non-serious.

  16. eDayStat Says:

    I don’t know about you, but if I eat a DQ blizzard my ass shakes for three days.

  17. kittymao Says:

    dood- dairy queen focuses on the dessert.
    Jack in the Box makes awesome burgers.
    I’ll go to JIB for the sourdough jack.
    then to DQ for the Tropical Blizzard.
    Best of both worlds.

  18. BobWicket Says:

    I think abarclay could take Chuck Norris.

  19. abarclay12 Says:

    Been there, done that BobWicket!

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  22. james Says:

    I never thought of it like that, but it really is true.
    Very nice write up. Easy to understand and straight to the point.

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