Is Anything Truly American Anymore?


All that is American is gone.  The baseball All-Star game boasts numerous foreign players including the likes of Ichiro, Soriano and Polanco.  It’s safe to say that baseball has “gone international.”  Hell, the United States can’t even win the World Baseball Championship.  America’s past-time is no longer.

American As Apple Pie

The National Basketball Association is scattered with international players.  A Frenchman was the 2007 NBA finals MVP.  In fact, the “Dream Team” hasn’t won a gold medal since 2000 and didn’t even earn a trip to the championship game in 2004.  For a sport bred in Kansas, USA domination is no more.

Thank God for the true American sport.  Something America can call its own, GLUTTONY at its finest.  Is there anything more American than stuffing as many hot dogs in your mouth as possible in 12 minutes?  Hot Dogs = American, Eating = American, Watching People Eat on National TV = American.   The competition is even held on July 4th, Independence Day for the United States of America.  How much more American could this sport be?

But alas, this competition, too, is no longer dominated by the red, white and blue.  The 6-time Hot Dog Eating Champion is Japanese.  Takeru Kobayashi weighs a meager 160 pounds yet manages to not only win but shatter records for hot dog consumption.  With each victory he took home with him a piece of America and Independence day seemed a little darker with each passing year

Hot Dog! That’s Amazing

The Yellow Mustard Belt that for so many years laid claim in another world but on this day, our Independence Day, the belt has returned home to its rightful place, The United States of America.  Tonight when America grills its hot dogs and hamburgers then gathers with family and friends to watch fireworks, it not only celebrates the day when America claimed freedom from the British in 1776.  America celebrates July 4, 2007 when the Yellow Mustard Belt returned home around the waist of America’s greates hero, Joey Chestnut.  “The greatest moment in US sports history” belongs to Joey Chestnut.  So tonight when you crack a beer and eat a juicy hot dog remember those who fought to give America the freedom you enjoy and toast heroes like Joey Chestnut who saw to it that America would shine brighter today.

 Chestnut is Champion

Thank you Joey Chestnut for bringing the Yellow Mustard Belt and our pride back home to the states.  If it wasn’t for you we would spend another year with only women’s basketball to call our own.

15 Responses to “Is Anything Truly American Anymore?”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    what’s not to love about the World Gluttony Championship… atta baby Joey

  2. eDayStat Says:

    I can sleep a little better tonight knowing that we’ve taken it back.

  3. BobWicket Says:

    He better watch out next year. Training for BobWicket has officially begun.

  4. abarclay12 Says:

    When is Joey Chestnut going on tour. I want him to kiss my baby.

  5. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    Do you want him to kiss your baby while he is eating 60 hot dogs or just after he’s finished?

  6. smoothron Says:

    or do you want to kiss…. UGLY BABY???

  7. Johnny Says:

    Basketball was born and bred in KS? Help me understand this one. Where do you get your info? Not to mention a German was the regular season MVP. By the way, why does a few or several foreign players and the lack of world dominance remove baseball as America’s past-time? Filling that role doesn’t require world dominance or exclusivity to Americans playing it.

  8. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Sarcasm is SO tough to comprehend.

  9. 2ndCousinOfTonyTheTiger Says:

    Who is this Johnny asshole?

  10. BobWicket Says:

    …and smiled in that special way.

  11. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Debarge eh?

  12. BobWicket Says:

    Si, El

  13. WHAT? Says:


  14. yea Says:

    those arent most of the good players, they’re the biggest drug users in the sport. It only proves that american players use steroides. America is shit

  15. asdf Says:

    So Americans are proud to be the biggest eaters…

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