Football Bar Fights No Longer Okay In Texas

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barfightinbastards.jpgBig props to the Santa Fe New Mexican (no, we’re not witty enough to make that up, it’s the real name of the paper) for turning us on to a story this week.  Apparently, five UTEP football players were involved in a bar fight recently. 

Triva question:  how many of these players were over the age of 21?  You are correct sir, none

That’s right, five players involved in the incident and none are over the age of 21.  This isn’t what bothers us about the incident.  What really has us here at APIAS scratching our heads is the fact that there was a bar fight involving Texas football players and they’re being punished for it.  Duck that chair, bust that bottle into a shiv, and scrap your way off this front page with us on the jump.

We remember way back in 1991 when a scrappy, young (except for their QB) team named the Texas State Fightin’ Armadillos took on the Texas Colts in one of the most boisterous bar fights in history.  It all stemmed from Flat-Top Meyers calling Paul Blake’s center Manumana a fat Buddha.  Well, fists started flying and someone ended up going through the front window. 

The moral of the story is by the time the dean got down to check things out, the coaches and local authorities had everything under control.  All those young men were getting along famously and no one ended up pressing charges or in jail.  It just doesn’t happen like that anymore.

 Instead, coach Mike Price is forced into the precarious position of making this statement:

Price, who made his first public appearance since having an angioplasty about two weeks ago, said receiver Tufick Shadrawy and linebacker Brian Wilkins, both 20, have been suspended indefinitely pending the outcome of their criminal cases.

That’s one Hell of a way to come back from heart surgery.  Having to explain that two of your players are kicked off the team because the local authorities, and I’m sure President Natalicio, wanted to make a fuss out of athletics again.  All they had to do is get those kids a beer and let them all talk it out.

Wait, they were how old?  Shaw, 20.  Wilkins, 20.  Damon Cromartie, 20.  Isaiah Carter and Brandon Thigpen, 17 (SEVENTEEN!).  Wow, just wow.  What the Hell did they expect to happen?  Three 20 year-olds taking two 17 year-olds out to the bar and I’m sure they figured everything would be fine.  Everything about this story boggles the mind.

Well, here’s our take on the situation.  Sure you’re a young kid out in the big world and away from the parents.  You’re a big-time college athlete and you want to have a good time.  The thing you do not do is go out with four other players under twenty-one years of age.  You do like the boys from Texas State did.  You go out with your sage quarterback of age 34, and you keep opposing teams’ defensive linemen away from his center.  You simply cannot. Overstate. This. Truth.

If the QB ain’t 34, just spend your Friday the usual way, with a couple 40s and a phonecall to the “team hostess.”

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